Give Yourself a Break


Without a doubt, one of the most cutthroat, competitive, and volatile work environments is that of parenting.  Take a minute sometime and scroll through a website for expectant mothers.  You will find a variety of parenting opinions, values, and points of view.  One group of pregnant women stands behind breastfeeding while another expresses their intent to use formula. Some list the possible side effects of vaccinations while others boldly proclaim their intent to vaccinate.  Still others present their desires to stay at home with their children while another group expresses their plan to go back to work.  Differing points of view are wonderful, but within these websites expectant mothers begin to bash and shame one another.  Rather than be excited for each other, many of these mothers demand to know how any rational person could disagree with their point of view.
            This scene is not limited to expectant mother websites but is widespread among parents of all backgrounds, walks of life, and life stages.  If you ask around, chances are you will find that parents feel a certain amount of judgement and pressure from their parental peers.  I suspect that this pressure and judgement arises, not from a desire to tear other parents down, but from every parent’s desire to make the best decisions possible for their children.
            Deep down every parent fears messing up their kids’ lives.  Parents wonder if they are making the best choices for their kids and if they are setting them up for success in the future.  This desire to be perfect for their kids can sometimes lead parents to heap an exorbitant amount of pressure on themselves. 
            Well-meaning parents can sometimes fall victim to the lie that they must be perfect.  This desire to do the best for one’s children is understandable, after all these are your children and you want the best for them.  However, falling victim to the illusion that you must be perfect in order to be a good parent is counterproductive and only leads to unnecessary stress.
            Parents, give yourself a break.  The reality is that you will mess up your kids.  You are an imperfect person and you will make mistakes.  The sooner that you admit this to yourself, the sooner you can begin doing something about it.  Admitting that you will make mistakes in your parenting is not an excuse to stop trying to be the best parent you can be, rather it is the path to more effective parenting.
            Every parent should put two habits into practice.  The first of the habits is saying “I’m sorry.”  Admit your parenting failures to your children.  Explain to them that, though you love them, you are not perfect and will make mistakes.  Then express what you will do better in the future.  This sounds simple, but you might be surprised at the number of parents who struggle to admit their failures to their kids.  Apologizing to your children is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and love.  Such honesty and openness will go a long way in developing your relationship with your children and will help you course correct when necessary.
            The second habit every parent should practice is to always point their children towards Christ and a relationship with Him.  Where parents are imperfect, Jesus is perfect and where parents fail, He can heal.  Point your children towards Christ and trust Him to take care of them.  Jesus loves your children even more than you do and He, more than anyone else, can shape your children into who they have been created to be.  Even when your children have grown up, you can still point them towards Christ and trust Him to mold them into His image.
            Trusting Christ with your kids is a simple habit to begin.  It starts with praying for your kids and having conversations about faith with them.  It’s as simple as reading the Bible with them on a regular basis and sharing the reasons for your beliefs with them.  Trusting Christ with your kids is not always easy, but it is the best gift you can give them.
            I believe most parents are trying to do the best that they can for their kids.  Recognizing your shortcomings and limitations is not giving up, rather it is the path to taking your parenting to the next level.  As you continue to grow as a parent, make certain that you always point your kids to the one who loves them even more than you do and who can transform them into His image. 
May God bless you and guide you as you seek to be the parents He would have you to be.   

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

God Was Here

  As a child, I attended Camp Lylewood every year for church camp.  It was a glorious time of adventure and excitement as every church camp should be.  The boys’ cabins were on one side of the property, so as to separate boys from girls.  (Though this measure never stopped the boys from using a massive slingshot to launch water balloons at the girls).  Inside the cabins were rows of bunkbeds.  Inevitably, the underside of each upper bunk bore the name of some boy who had been there before.  Carved, etched, or drawn in the wood comprising the bedframe were names of boys who had enjoyed camp and who desired to let others know that they had been there and that they had left their mark on this place.  So, they proudly scrawled Tom, Danny, or John "was here." Genesis 2 is one of my favorite passages of Scripture.  In it we read how God "formed man out of the dust of the earth" (2:7).  The imagery here is that of God rolling up His sleeves and getting His hands dirty as
Read more

Embrace Your Inner Toddler

  Perhaps there are no two letters that change the relationship between parent and child more than those that form the word,  NO .  Up until a toddler learns this word, he or she appears to be such an angel.  Then, one day, that dreaded word touches his lips and the battle of wills between parent and child begins.  Yet, somewhere during our transition from childhood to adulthood we lose our ability to say, "NO."  We would all do well to embrace our inner toddler and utilize this word more.   This year has been a challenge for many, myself included.  Faced with the challenge of working from home while also attempting to maintain some semblance of a "normal" home life, I found that often the lines between family, work, and self-care were regularly blurred.  My responsibilities to my job, to my wife, to my son, and to myself all made demands upon my time and I felt myself being pulled in all directions.  My solution was simple: multi-task and do it all.  With my conf
Read more

Surviving 2020

The theme song for the year of 2020 should be Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive .  For all of you who just started singing it in your head, here's the link:  I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor .  Seriously though, 2020 has seen a pandemic, social unrest, a near collision with an asteroid, zombie fires (those are a thing??), murder hornets, re-emergence of cicadas, a Sahara dust cloud, tornadoes, earthquakes, broken dams, and skyrocketing unemployment and it's only July.  This will be a year to tell the grand kids as they sit wide-eyed listening to the struggles of the past.  Unfortunately, 2020 has also been a year for disappointment.  Seniors have lost out on graduations and senior proms, families have been forced to cancel long-awaited vacations, and kids have had their summer plans turned on their heads.  To say that 2020 has been hard to take in and process would be a huge understatement.  If ever there was a year to point to as proof of the need for the confidence faith in
Read more